Coming to an end. arse.

China. Well, we couldn't be any further from home. Not physically (that would probably have been NZ silly), but metaphorically. When we landed here and walked through the airport I was surprised how "western" everything seemed: signs in English, modern skyscrapers, fancy cars etc. But that impression soon changed. There were a few other foreigners on the plane but they were on business who soon disappeared into the western hotels and offices, leaving us, the rare western tourists... Most shop signs and signposts are dual language, but menus and everything else are only in Chinese and I've never felt so lame in my life for not being able to speak the language. Almost everyone here under 40 speaks a little English which has made us feel worse! I couldn't even order a tsing tao without causing utter confusion. Unfortunately, this restricted us to the hotel restaurants. Not that the food is bad, it's been very good, it's just that we'd rather have immersed ourselves a little more... It's also fair to say, that despite the English lingual skills of the locals, they don't get too many foreigners. Certainly not blonde ones over 6ft. The reaction is fairly universal. Children under 5 point and actually run away. If I move closer, they hide behind their parents. Aged between 5 and 15, a lot of kids smile and say "hello" and "how are you?". One even said "goodbye". Up to the age of 40 it's mainly staring and some smiling. Over 40 it's a kind of fearful staring. A wonderful experience I wouldn't change for the world...

How did we end up here:


3rd Feb
Back in the 'kok. This time we stayed in Siam Square. The heart of the shopping area and a few more farangs around, which translates to more sweaty old fat western men with their beautiful Thai brides. Those poor girls will be in for such a shock when they find out that their country gent from the home counties actually lives in a dodgy little council flat in Stevenage. Joey and I can't decide if the girls know the score. They can't be as naive as the men surely?

In the evening we went to PatPong. It's known for 2 main things. The market stalls selling fake tat (LV handbags, watches etc) and girly-bars. The whole girly-bar scene is a bit wrong. Kept alive by the same fat sweaty foreigners mentioned above, it's a few alleyways of bar after bar staffed by Thai men speaking excellent English equipped only with a price list. Not a drinks list. No. More like a list of services. I didn't realise table tennis was such a big deal here. Everyone kept offering us ping-pong shows. They looked flummoxed, almost outraged, when I said I preferred football shows... We also checked out the gay patpong just out of curiosity. Much the same, identical in fact, except without the ping pong. They had shows too, but I can't mention it here.


4th Feb
The chatuchak weekend market is the biggest in the 'kok. Some 8,000 stalls selling clothes, food, hardware, animals, electronics. Everything. Outside the market were a run of bric a brac tat merchants selling second hand crap. A few however were selling old watches. Old omega watches. Really nice old omega watches. I really really wanted one but couldn't quite bring myself to part with £70 for an old watch that could have been fake, and could have been broken. It didn't look fake, and it was all marked inside with omega markings, and would have been worth ten times that at home, but I just couldn't do it. Fortunately joey spent the next four hours at every single market stall leaving me plenty of time to muse upon how annoyed I was for not getting the damn watch.

After a quick jaunt to Jim Thompson's house (American silk trader - bit dull) we ambled around Siam Square. It was the day of the second leg of the ASEAN cup final. Singapore vs Thailand. A testy affair after the first leg. There were thousands of fans around (the match sold out in hours) all dressed in yellow in honour of the king. We chatted to a few. Good atmosphere. They're quite wild...

In the evening we went for a Chinese Hot Pot dinner. Basically, you get a pot of boiling water and choose veg and meat and boil it for a couple of minutes. Bingo! Add some rice and some soy sauce and chilli sauce and you're in. Messy.


5th Feb
What a day. We left the hotel for the airport and jumped in to an innocent enough looking cab. Oh dear. I think this guy had been working for about 72 hours and was keeping himself artificially awake. If you know what I mean... It was close to being the most frightening 30 minutes of our short lives. It was like a scene from a Bond movie. Or a classic car chase. Now, I know that the Thais are bad drivers, but this was a joke. He was doing about 120km/h on average whilst no one else was breaking 100. Winding across lanes. Squeezing between cars that were breaking and changing lanes. I can't describe it. I guess it was like how you drive in a computer game. Where no-one can get hurt. Anyway, we got to the airport in one piece. A miracle. Cheaper than a hotel car, but the laundry bill and therapy costs soon make up for that.

Nice easy check-in at the airport. What do you mean you need your passport to fly? Since when? Oh, and that's my fault you left it in the hotel safe? Is it? Oh, I guess it is. I was the one who took the stuff out of the safe. Phone hotel. Can you courier the passport to the airport? Yes, no problem. How long? One hour. Time to flight? Just under two hours. Did the hotel come good? Yes it did. Did it cost us four times what the taxi cost us? Yup.

Lessons learnt: (1) I am no longer allowed to take stuff from the safe. I can't be trusted. (2) We don't take Thai cabs anywhere ever again ever ever ever.

The rest of the journey was dull after that... Which set the tone nicely for Singapore! Where Bangkok is bonkers, Singapore is sensible. So sensible. You can get fined for chewing gum, crossing the road erroneously, not flushing the toilet etc etc. I think that it's well summed up by a Singaporean minister "we have to pursue this subject of fun very seriously if we want to stay competitive in the twenty-first century". Oh dear. Anyway, we arrived quite late so just strolled leisurely down the world famous shopping area of Orchard road. What a day.


6th Feb
So, what does sensible Singapore have to offer? Let's keep it brief. I'd hate to waffle. I just like to get to the point. Not mince around. That would just waste time. So where was I? Oh yes. Singapore. Strolled around the colonial area. City hall, law courts, cricket club and all that. Walked to raffles square where all the big big big office buildings are. From there to Chinatown. Chinatown? Seems odd doesn't it? The country has something like 4m people and 75% are of Chinese descent. So why is there a Chinatown? That was not a rhetorical question. I don't know the answer. Little India next. That one makes sense to me. 15% are Indian - ie an Indian community within a non-Indian majority. Dinner in the grounds of an old church. A Long day. Ticked a lot off the sightseeing list.


7th Feb
Went to Singapore's number 1 tourist destination. Sentosa island. Just off the southern tip off Singapore island. You get a cable car across which drops you on top of a small peak on the isle. And there's only one way down. Well two, but the other option's dull. So, we went down the number one way - Luge. Unfortunately joey didn't believe in going too fast. Could've walked quicker... Anyway, at the bottom: beaches. Singapore style. All man made. Protected from the open ocean. Imported sand. Fake surf culture. Pointless lifeguards. And the best bit? Someone's employed to rake up the seaweed. Just weird.

A singapore style night out. A couple of singapore slings at raffles, cocktails at the top of the world's tallest hotel (60 floors) and a curry by the river... Nice.


8th Feb
Early start - off to Hong Kong. HK's airport is new and built on an island where they chopped the top off to put the runway down. Engineering at it's finest. Checked in at our hotel in Tin Hau. Amazing views over the city. Went for some tea and dim sum - nice dumplings. Ambled round the shops. Early night for the flight to China!


9th Feb
Got up early, very early for our trip to China. Mainland China! As described above, our early impressions of Xiamen were that it was very modern. The airport must be pretty new. The city is home to 1m people but you wouldn't know it by the traffic. There are very few traffic lights. Most people travel by bus with few having their own transport. Xiamen is a coastal town and so when they decided to build a by-pass they just built it over the beach. Ingenious thinking. Function over form. Not good if you want to sunbathe though...

In the afternoon we got on the ferry to Gulangyu. The once home of joey's grandfather. Unfortunately the old Lin family home is seeing better days and is being renovated by investors (read demolished and rebuilt). The island is a national tourist treasure due to it's early 20th century European style architecture. After viewing the remains of the house we moved onto the Sea Garden built by a Great Great Grandfather (there may be more greats in front of that). Lots of gardens, walkways, pagodas, and monuments. Very, very pretty indeed. Infact it was a lovely afternoon wandering around with all the Chinese tourists.

After that, joey decided to do what she does best. She bought a pair of trainers. And she helped the world-wide counterfeit business at the same time. Adidas trainers that have only just been released. Shop price - £80. Joey price £12. Very realistic too.

Dinner in the hotel. All restaurants have the menus in Chinese only and so we couldn't venture too far. It was at this point we realised how lame we were for not knowing any of the language. Poor show on our part. Very poor.


10th Feb
With the official sightseeing done we decided just to hit Xiamen. Look around, shop, maybe just suss the place out. It's one of China's SEZs (special economic zones) and so is booming and being modernised all over. As I said above, they don't get too many foreigners round here so we got a lot of weird looks. Well, mainly me. Tall, blonde, ungainly looking, foreign. Most people in shops said hello or gave us a smile. Most children were either curious or frightened silly! A great experience. Lunch was at Pizza Hut! The only place with an English menu. Another excellent experience whereby the whole place stopped eating when we walked in and the staff wouldn't stop giggling.

Lots of the shops were western style, though few were recognised brands. In the backstreets were the food markets selling fruit, veg and raw meat. I'm not sure all of the stalls had their food handling hygiene safety certificates. Some of the meat was a little more "lively". Chickens and the like. Joey got offered a baby pig for 300 yuan. I'm not disputing that it's a good price, it's just not what we were looking for. Joey was after more shoes and I was checking out the price of electronics. Not sure little piglet would have checked either of those boxes.

In the afternoon we looked round a new shopping centre which had an indoor basketball court. The kids playing asked me to join in with them, so I did. Good fun. Incidentally, they all supported Liverpool & Arsenal. No Brighton fans. Strange. Nice kids though. Finished off with the worlds cheapest DVDs. Only 8 yuan each. Stuff that's only just out at the cinema. Half of them may be utter crap, but who cares at that price!

Joey's musings:
Well....as I write this entry (a little overdue due to too much jetsetting and not enough musing!), we have only 3 days to go till hometime.......No detentions for us am afraid (well, the forgotten passport in Bangkok was almost a detention, or a divorce! One of the 2 anyhow!).

Our brief but important sojourn into China was wonderful and particularly important to see where my Grandpa grew up. Xiamen was great and certainly interesting, the island of Gulangyu was a little like a magic island, a sort of sea playground with little cave grottos and bridges, a wonderful place to grow up I would imagine.

Unfortunately the weather up this end of Asia is not the best and tans are fading fast! Cold in China and Taipei and Raining in Hong Kong....nevermind, it helps us prepare for old, cold, England!

See you all very soon, by the time you read this we might even be home! Now there's a thought!

Lots of love xxxxx