Coming to an end. arse.

China. Well, we couldn't be any further from home. Not physically (that would probably have been NZ silly), but metaphorically. When we landed here and walked through the airport I was surprised how "western" everything seemed: signs in English, modern skyscrapers, fancy cars etc. But that impression soon changed. There were a few other foreigners on the plane but they were on business who soon disappeared into the western hotels and offices, leaving us, the rare western tourists... Most shop signs and signposts are dual language, but menus and everything else are only in Chinese and I've never felt so lame in my life for not being able to speak the language. Almost everyone here under 40 speaks a little English which has made us feel worse! I couldn't even order a tsing tao without causing utter confusion. Unfortunately, this restricted us to the hotel restaurants. Not that the food is bad, it's been very good, it's just that we'd rather have immersed ourselves a little more... It's also fair to say, that despite the English lingual skills of the locals, they don't get too many foreigners. Certainly not blonde ones over 6ft. The reaction is fairly universal. Children under 5 point and actually run away. If I move closer, they hide behind their parents. Aged between 5 and 15, a lot of kids smile and say "hello" and "how are you?". One even said "goodbye". Up to the age of 40 it's mainly staring and some smiling. Over 40 it's a kind of fearful staring. A wonderful experience I wouldn't change for the world...

How did we end up here:


3rd Feb
Back in the 'kok. This time we stayed in Siam Square. The heart of the shopping area and a few more farangs around, which translates to more sweaty old fat western men with their beautiful Thai brides. Those poor girls will be in for such a shock when they find out that their country gent from the home counties actually lives in a dodgy little council flat in Stevenage. Joey and I can't decide if the girls know the score. They can't be as naive as the men surely?

In the evening we went to PatPong. It's known for 2 main things. The market stalls selling fake tat (LV handbags, watches etc) and girly-bars. The whole girly-bar scene is a bit wrong. Kept alive by the same fat sweaty foreigners mentioned above, it's a few alleyways of bar after bar staffed by Thai men speaking excellent English equipped only with a price list. Not a drinks list. No. More like a list of services. I didn't realise table tennis was such a big deal here. Everyone kept offering us ping-pong shows. They looked flummoxed, almost outraged, when I said I preferred football shows... We also checked out the gay patpong just out of curiosity. Much the same, identical in fact, except without the ping pong. They had shows too, but I can't mention it here.


4th Feb
The chatuchak weekend market is the biggest in the 'kok. Some 8,000 stalls selling clothes, food, hardware, animals, electronics. Everything. Outside the market were a run of bric a brac tat merchants selling second hand crap. A few however were selling old watches. Old omega watches. Really nice old omega watches. I really really wanted one but couldn't quite bring myself to part with £70 for an old watch that could have been fake, and could have been broken. It didn't look fake, and it was all marked inside with omega markings, and would have been worth ten times that at home, but I just couldn't do it. Fortunately joey spent the next four hours at every single market stall leaving me plenty of time to muse upon how annoyed I was for not getting the damn watch.

After a quick jaunt to Jim Thompson's house (American silk trader - bit dull) we ambled around Siam Square. It was the day of the second leg of the ASEAN cup final. Singapore vs Thailand. A testy affair after the first leg. There were thousands of fans around (the match sold out in hours) all dressed in yellow in honour of the king. We chatted to a few. Good atmosphere. They're quite wild...

In the evening we went for a Chinese Hot Pot dinner. Basically, you get a pot of boiling water and choose veg and meat and boil it for a couple of minutes. Bingo! Add some rice and some soy sauce and chilli sauce and you're in. Messy.


5th Feb
What a day. We left the hotel for the airport and jumped in to an innocent enough looking cab. Oh dear. I think this guy had been working for about 72 hours and was keeping himself artificially awake. If you know what I mean... It was close to being the most frightening 30 minutes of our short lives. It was like a scene from a Bond movie. Or a classic car chase. Now, I know that the Thais are bad drivers, but this was a joke. He was doing about 120km/h on average whilst no one else was breaking 100. Winding across lanes. Squeezing between cars that were breaking and changing lanes. I can't describe it. I guess it was like how you drive in a computer game. Where no-one can get hurt. Anyway, we got to the airport in one piece. A miracle. Cheaper than a hotel car, but the laundry bill and therapy costs soon make up for that.

Nice easy check-in at the airport. What do you mean you need your passport to fly? Since when? Oh, and that's my fault you left it in the hotel safe? Is it? Oh, I guess it is. I was the one who took the stuff out of the safe. Phone hotel. Can you courier the passport to the airport? Yes, no problem. How long? One hour. Time to flight? Just under two hours. Did the hotel come good? Yes it did. Did it cost us four times what the taxi cost us? Yup.

Lessons learnt: (1) I am no longer allowed to take stuff from the safe. I can't be trusted. (2) We don't take Thai cabs anywhere ever again ever ever ever.

The rest of the journey was dull after that... Which set the tone nicely for Singapore! Where Bangkok is bonkers, Singapore is sensible. So sensible. You can get fined for chewing gum, crossing the road erroneously, not flushing the toilet etc etc. I think that it's well summed up by a Singaporean minister "we have to pursue this subject of fun very seriously if we want to stay competitive in the twenty-first century". Oh dear. Anyway, we arrived quite late so just strolled leisurely down the world famous shopping area of Orchard road. What a day.


6th Feb
So, what does sensible Singapore have to offer? Let's keep it brief. I'd hate to waffle. I just like to get to the point. Not mince around. That would just waste time. So where was I? Oh yes. Singapore. Strolled around the colonial area. City hall, law courts, cricket club and all that. Walked to raffles square where all the big big big office buildings are. From there to Chinatown. Chinatown? Seems odd doesn't it? The country has something like 4m people and 75% are of Chinese descent. So why is there a Chinatown? That was not a rhetorical question. I don't know the answer. Little India next. That one makes sense to me. 15% are Indian - ie an Indian community within a non-Indian majority. Dinner in the grounds of an old church. A Long day. Ticked a lot off the sightseeing list.


7th Feb
Went to Singapore's number 1 tourist destination. Sentosa island. Just off the southern tip off Singapore island. You get a cable car across which drops you on top of a small peak on the isle. And there's only one way down. Well two, but the other option's dull. So, we went down the number one way - Luge. Unfortunately joey didn't believe in going too fast. Could've walked quicker... Anyway, at the bottom: beaches. Singapore style. All man made. Protected from the open ocean. Imported sand. Fake surf culture. Pointless lifeguards. And the best bit? Someone's employed to rake up the seaweed. Just weird.

A singapore style night out. A couple of singapore slings at raffles, cocktails at the top of the world's tallest hotel (60 floors) and a curry by the river... Nice.


8th Feb
Early start - off to Hong Kong. HK's airport is new and built on an island where they chopped the top off to put the runway down. Engineering at it's finest. Checked in at our hotel in Tin Hau. Amazing views over the city. Went for some tea and dim sum - nice dumplings. Ambled round the shops. Early night for the flight to China!


9th Feb
Got up early, very early for our trip to China. Mainland China! As described above, our early impressions of Xiamen were that it was very modern. The airport must be pretty new. The city is home to 1m people but you wouldn't know it by the traffic. There are very few traffic lights. Most people travel by bus with few having their own transport. Xiamen is a coastal town and so when they decided to build a by-pass they just built it over the beach. Ingenious thinking. Function over form. Not good if you want to sunbathe though...

In the afternoon we got on the ferry to Gulangyu. The once home of joey's grandfather. Unfortunately the old Lin family home is seeing better days and is being renovated by investors (read demolished and rebuilt). The island is a national tourist treasure due to it's early 20th century European style architecture. After viewing the remains of the house we moved onto the Sea Garden built by a Great Great Grandfather (there may be more greats in front of that). Lots of gardens, walkways, pagodas, and monuments. Very, very pretty indeed. Infact it was a lovely afternoon wandering around with all the Chinese tourists.

After that, joey decided to do what she does best. She bought a pair of trainers. And she helped the world-wide counterfeit business at the same time. Adidas trainers that have only just been released. Shop price - £80. Joey price £12. Very realistic too.

Dinner in the hotel. All restaurants have the menus in Chinese only and so we couldn't venture too far. It was at this point we realised how lame we were for not knowing any of the language. Poor show on our part. Very poor.


10th Feb
With the official sightseeing done we decided just to hit Xiamen. Look around, shop, maybe just suss the place out. It's one of China's SEZs (special economic zones) and so is booming and being modernised all over. As I said above, they don't get too many foreigners round here so we got a lot of weird looks. Well, mainly me. Tall, blonde, ungainly looking, foreign. Most people in shops said hello or gave us a smile. Most children were either curious or frightened silly! A great experience. Lunch was at Pizza Hut! The only place with an English menu. Another excellent experience whereby the whole place stopped eating when we walked in and the staff wouldn't stop giggling.

Lots of the shops were western style, though few were recognised brands. In the backstreets were the food markets selling fruit, veg and raw meat. I'm not sure all of the stalls had their food handling hygiene safety certificates. Some of the meat was a little more "lively". Chickens and the like. Joey got offered a baby pig for 300 yuan. I'm not disputing that it's a good price, it's just not what we were looking for. Joey was after more shoes and I was checking out the price of electronics. Not sure little piglet would have checked either of those boxes.

In the afternoon we looked round a new shopping centre which had an indoor basketball court. The kids playing asked me to join in with them, so I did. Good fun. Incidentally, they all supported Liverpool & Arsenal. No Brighton fans. Strange. Nice kids though. Finished off with the worlds cheapest DVDs. Only 8 yuan each. Stuff that's only just out at the cinema. Half of them may be utter crap, but who cares at that price!

Joey's musings:
Well....as I write this entry (a little overdue due to too much jetsetting and not enough musing!), we have only 3 days to go till hometime.......No detentions for us am afraid (well, the forgotten passport in Bangkok was almost a detention, or a divorce! One of the 2 anyhow!).

Our brief but important sojourn into China was wonderful and particularly important to see where my Grandpa grew up. Xiamen was great and certainly interesting, the island of Gulangyu was a little like a magic island, a sort of sea playground with little cave grottos and bridges, a wonderful place to grow up I would imagine.

Unfortunately the weather up this end of Asia is not the best and tans are fading fast! Cold in China and Taipei and Raining in Hong Kong....nevermind, it helps us prepare for old, cold, England!

See you all very soon, by the time you read this we might even be home! Now there's a thought!

Lots of love xxxxx

more from Thighland

I can't believe the trip is coming to an end. Less than three weeks to go and now we're having to think about jobs and tax and who knows what... Still so much to see and do, and we've had such a great time in thailand. Talking of which, the last 11 days have been down in Krabi; a region in the south west on the andaman coast famed for it's limestone rock formations, stunning beaches and filmset for "The Beach" and various Bond movies. We've taken it very very slow down here so i'll keep it brief.


22nd january
A long day flying down from chiang mai to krabi. A four hour stopover in bangkok is about as much fun as being an accountant. We arrived late in Ao Nang, ate and then just put our heads down...


23rd
After a well earnt lie in and breakfast, we decided to explore Ao Nang. This really just involved walking along about a mile of long sandy beach. It was hell. Bright sunshine, fresh fruit and cold drinks, crystal clear sea. German men over 60 wearing very small speedos. Italian men under 30 wearing even smaller ones. Joey then twisted my arm into getting a massage. Lying face down under a canopy with just the sound of waves to keep us company. And then it started. It was a time of my life i'll never forget. The evil genius got to work on my shoulders. With her thumbs under my shoulder blades and knees dug into the back of my thighs she exclaimed that it might hurt today but it would feel great tomorrow. She also went to work on my feet; removing dead skin and pummelling them so much that I think i've gone down a shoe size. I used to like all the dead skin. It meant that I could walk anywhere bear foot and not feel a thing. Now I have to wear towling slippers. After an hour or so massaging I was free. Doubled over in pain, but free.


24th
So, it seems that my arch nemesis tricked me. Evil, yes. Genius, no. Unless, her plan was to cripple me, in which case she succeeded. Shoulders and neck? Sore. Pride? Dented. By a girl. An evil girl. Fortunately i'm not one to moan on and on and on. Am I Joey? Oh, apparently I am.

We got a Longtail boat to railay. The laem phra nang peninsula is made up of four beaches with west railay and Ao phra nang being two of the world's finest. We purchased a bat and ball set but soon realised that it wasn't our forte. I mean really, who cares if you can hit a ball ten times between you. So what if our best effort was eight. This lead us to create a new game. Cricket. In the sea. Sicket! It'll catch on. You mark my words. After various swimming and relaxing activities (taking in the breathtaking views - photos will prove this), we popped home via longtail. These boats are hilarious. A wooden hulled shallowish boat some 20ft long. Powered by... An old car engine. The propellor is on the end of a long shaft straight off the engine block and the whole thing is manouvered by tilting and turning the engine. It shouldn't work and it can't be safe, but it's great fun.


25th
We hired a tandem Kayak and explored the local coastline round krabi. It's all rocky outcrops, caves and bays. Fish and crabs. The afternoon was spent recovering. In the sun drinking gallons and gallons of water. And maybe just a Singha or two.


26th
An early early start for a spot of Rock climbing. With Krabi's limestone karstes protruding out above stunning beaches it's supposed to be one of the finest spots in the world. Our guide Shai, started us off on some tough old climbs. I was suffering from the excesses of eating too much and found it very hard work. Joey, on the otherhand, has found her niche. She was up and down the rock like she was raised by a family of spiders... Excellent fun, and some awesome views from the top!


27th
R&R. Yep, we'd worked so hard over the last five days or so, that we deserved a day off. For good behaviour, if you like. Mainly just lounging by the pool or on the beach in some shade. You mark my words, its hard work. Hard work I tell you.


28th
Thirty minutes on a longtail. That's quite a long time on a floating deathtrap, but that's how long it takes to get to Poda island. Poda is about 10km from the coast and is an island paradise. Quite a busy island paradise. Longtail boats go backwards and forwards all day long. Backwards and forwards. On choppy sea. In fact it can get quite rough out there with swell regularly reaching 3m. This day it was only about 1m, but that was enough for our joey. Let's just say that she was a bit peaky. Not as sicky as I was at byron bay, but she didn't like it. Anyway, turquoise sea, white sands, palm trees, fish everywhere. Nice.

Back on dry land, we go for a very late lunch. I ordered some soba noodle pad thai type dish, but I got one word wrong and the waitress burst into laughter. And then she told all her mates and colleagues. And they all laughed too. I was baffled. Until I learnt what I'd ordered. And then we both laughed out loud. Cat curry anyone? Fortunately they wouldn't let me have cat curry, so I had to make do with the noodle thing. The word meow is pronounced mow. Not me-ow. That's a cat.


29th
An easy day on the beach, playing a bit of cricket and watching the monkeys. The little tykes have a colony. They steal food out of peoples bags whilst they swim. Very amusing. And they're just as happy with a packet of kit-kats as they are with a banana. I kept expecting to see them drinking a can of singha and having a smoke.


30th
Moved out of our hotel and into a more traditional bamboo type bungalow. The owner proudly informed us that the bathroooms are new and were only added recently. What he didn't explain is that the bathroom is lower than the bungalow and so the floor slopes backward. If i'd fallen out of bed I may have woken up on the pot. Would have cut out out the middleman.

After that we took our first steps toward Thaihood. We hired a motor bike. Well, more of a moped. Anyway, we explored out west. It's good to get out of the town so you see more. Cows, goats and chickens in the road. Roads are a bit ropey. Road signs aren't clear. Also we get funny looks from the locals. Anyway, we saw some nice areas and remote beaches, and more of an insight into how rural thais live.

In the evening kings and annie lou caught up with us, after their jaunt in Laos. Good to see them again. We all went to the dodgy bar near the bungalows. Drunk some beer. Played some pool. Watched dirty old western men getting friendly with young thai girls. With deep voices. And broad shoulders. Hmm. Girls? That were once boys? Oh, ladyboys! The question is, did the dirty old men know what they were getting involved in. Probably.


31st
Took Kinko & AL to the beautiful railay beach. Lots of general nothingness. Played some beach cricket & did very little. Went to some nice place called The Loft for dinner. Green curry with roti. Hubba hubba. Played pool til the wee hours. Oh, how we've suffered down here...

1st
Hired Kayaks again. This time though we went a bit further to a tiny beach only reachable via the kayaks. We shared it with only a few others (due to it's inconvenience) including one "naturist" ie nudie. Why! Why do you need to get sun burn "everywhere"! On the way back we weaved through a few caves. Cool.

Spent the afternoon sitting in an open air bar under palm trees.

After dinner, the four of us bravely ventured to ao nang's alleyway of Go-go bars. About a dozen open sided bars in an alleyway off the main drag. Quite intimidating if you're a man as there are dozens of women literally trying to drag you into the bars. Obviously most of the clientele are men and it's therefore geared towards men (but this is no patpong). More a similar concept to japanese hostess bars where they employ pretty girls in an effort to make you buy expensive drinks. Only this is Thailand. The girls aren't exactly girls and the drinks are dirt cheap. Anyway, it's a fun place where kingsley couldn't keep off the dancing pole and Joey befriended the bar girls.

2nd
Our last full day down south so the four of us hired two mopeds and got back on the road. This time we went east. First of all to Gastropod fossil beach. The thais love it. It's basically a beach with gastropod fossils - but I guess the title gave that away. It's also a very pretty desserted beach with really soft sand. Soft sand? Sounds to me like a perfect opportunity for the 1st Thai Open International long jump competition. Woo hoo! 4 teams but only one winner. Mats from Sweden. Jo-Jo from China. Herr Kingsley from Germany. Ms De Waal of Holland. The tournament was marred by technical faults; overstepping the line, arguing with the judges, shorts pulled up too high. A great opening event, the crowds enjoyed themselves. There was only one winner though: Sport!

After all that excitement we cruised on to Krabi, the main town of the region. A bit of a dump.

After dinner we played cards by moonlight at the bungalows. Sweet.

The musings of Hill:
Well - as I update my musings from Singapore (more about that later!), I reflect on our time in Thailand.........Bangkok - everything I thought i'd hate, dirty, smelly, rats, noisy, pollution etc. But I love Bangkok. It is a city so full of life and energy, people everywhere, madness, tuk tuks alongside hummers, temples next to shopping malls, foodcarts outside Burger king.....old next to new...fantastic! Thailand is called "the land of smiles" and it is so true, the Thais are so friendly and welcoming, we really had a great time. we had a lovely time with Annie Lou and Kinko, cards, Singha, ladyboys and muchos fun had by all. I certainly am enjoying my 30s so far! Particular Thai highlights for me included...watching the sun go down on Ao Phra Nang beach, 4 in a tuk tuk!, and Singha and Cards at the last café - perfect!
lots of love,
Mrs H. xxx