Tie-Land

We're not exactly the first visitors to this place. We're not the first people to say this, and we're not saying anything new. But it has to be said. Thailand is a top top country. I know we've only been here a few days, but from the invasion of all your senses when you arrive in Bangkok to the easy going life in the north, it's extremely likeable. We're on a plane now, heading down to the andaman coast for some R&R but we're already wishing we could have spent more time in Bangkok and Chiang Mai. Still, 2 weeks on beautiful Thai beaches can't be bad. Now then, where's that bride I ordered?


16th
Landed in Singapore at 3am. Found a quiet little corner to try and sleep, Joey on a reclining chair and me on the floor, and dozed off and on for a couple of hours. Not the finest sleep! Eventually arrived in Bangkok at about 12 midday following the (previously mentioned) hideous journey... Exhausted, but given some sort of adrenaline boost by Bangkok itself. Every inch of pavement space is given over to stalls of some sort. Food is everywhere. The smell of food is everywhere. Unfortunately so too is the smell of sewage. And then there's the most appalling traffic. And smog. Motorbikes, taxis, cars and tuk-tuks. And people. It's overwhelming but so inoffensive that you can't help but like it. Everyone's smiling and friendly. Fortunately we had a quiet escape in our hotel. They upgraded us for some reason which included a free mini-bar. Cool. Add that to the free hotel bar and free bar snacks, it's amazing that we even left the hotel.

Since we've been away we've met up with relatives and friends around the world which has generally made the whole thing easier for Joey. Could you spend 24 hours a day with me for six months? The previous day our mates kingsley and anne-louise had jetted out to Thailand for a months travelling and it was no understatement to say that we were looking forward to seeing them. They very kindly came and met us at our hotel (lured by the free beer no doubt). Good to catch up with fellow brightonians and hear how cold and gloomy it was back there. We also revelled a little too much in their pastiness. Me and wifey have a bit of colour. Well, I have sporadic sun-burn and my Thai bride has enough tan for two.

The kinkster (kingsley) suggested an evening of culture Thai style. Also known as muy thai, thai boxing makes for a fair spectator sport with a couple of thousand locals cheering on every kick, punch and knee to the ribs. Good fun.


17th
Sightseeing recipe for success:
° 1 short journey on the Skytrain to the central pier.
° 2 boat journeys. Add 1 boat journey now, up the river to pier 8 and put the second aside (we'll need that later).
° A sprinkle of the historic Wat Pho (the main temple includes the huge gold reclining Buddha) for texture.
° Garnish with a trip to the Grand Palace and in particular the Emerald Buddha. It's very important at this point to ensure all legs and arms are covered up as a mark of respect and not to point your feet at the big guy. Due to my shorts I had to borrow a ridiculous pair of bright blue "fisherman's-pants". Almost ruined this recipe.
° Now add the boat journey back to central pier that we put aside earlier and mix well. Hmm, tasty!

Of course, no meal is complete without dessert. In the evening Annie-Lou, Kinky, Joey and I went to an Indian restaurant called "Mrs Balbirs". She's a TV chef in south east Asia and was in the restaurant when we had dinner. As English, she respected our curry appreciation skills and joined us for a chat and a few photos... I can't go anywhere these days. I forgot to mention that to get to the wild-ones hotel (Kingsley's surname is wildman), Mrs. H and I took our first Tuk-Tuk. A three wheel motorbike/death trap with fearless drivers swerving through the traffic and accelerating and braking sharper than most F1 cars. The fare was only about 40 baht, but the laundry costs on our undies could reach twice to three times again...


18th
Unfortunately, due to our delayed flight from Oz we lost a day in Bangkok, meaning that after only one full day there, we were off again. This time to the mountainous North of the country. Chiang Mai is a provincial capital and once housed the Emerald Buddha (he's the big daddy of them all). We had a good stroll around after some extended lunch with Anne-Louise and Kinko (they were spending a few days before they went trekking into Laos). We went to the dodgiest dinner place ever, but at 45baht for pad Thai (apx 60p), it was not to be sniffed at.


19th
A stroke of genius on the males' part meant that whilst Joey and annie-lou browsed tat jewellery, kings and I went motorbike hunting. Unfortunately, nobody could provide us with suitable bikes without us giving them our passports. Damn these reputable companies! So, we spent the rest of the day doing the tourist thing and looking at the Wats. Wat, wat, wat! They ranged from 800 to 1300 years old and were very impressive. Wat Phra Sing and Wat Chiang man. Most of these old temples have practical use. Some are schools and colleges others have people living there.

In the evening Joey stumbled on the five star Chedi Hotel near our guest house where we stopped by for dinner and cocktails. A stunning location by the river with only candlelights... After that, a trip to the slightly too touristy Night market...


20th
Cookery course. What an excellent day. We went to the Chiang Mai Thai cookery school run by none other than, yes, you guessed it, tv celeb chef Somphon Nabnian. Of course, Somphon being the big name that he is, he wasn't around. But our teachers Oh and Mee were more than capable. We started with a prawn soup. Mine was nothing short of foul. Joey's still vegetarian and so her's was tofu based and a little bland. Kings & A-L seemed satisfied with their efforts. Next up fish cakes. Here I outdid myself. I was particularly pleased with the outcome. They were damn good. Again, Joey had tofu cakes (can you see a theme?) Next course, Green Curry. And surprisingly tasty. And served with pad Thai which also worked well. By this point Joey actually resembled and smelt a bit like tofu... We were starting to get really full by this point but just managed to hold out and polish the chicken salad and sweet water chestnut dessert.

The whole day was excellent fun, and if anyone is interested in being catered for let us know. We also do weddings and funerals. As long as you like tofu.


21st
Early start to the day. Our car was delivered to our accommodation early doors and it was time for our biggest ever challenge: driving in Thailand. When driving there is only one rule: there are no rules! Speed limits, stop signs and traffic lights are just there for decoration. The line in the middle of the road and one way signs only apply to farang drivers like us! So, it's fair to say we were a little hesitant, especially knowing that the national Thai Elephant Foundation and Hospital was a 100km round trip. It turned out to be quite good fun. It's probably safer being a road user rather than a pedestrian, and the rule that the largest vehicle has right of way meant that all the motorbikes move out of your way. Cool.

The elephant sanctuary was a bit weird. Most of the elephants used to work for the (now illegal) logging industry. If it weren't for these sanctuaries they'd all die. Therefore they're all re-trained to amuse the public and give rides. Ethically, you know it's not exactly as nature intended, but without it they'd be long wiped out. And with this thought in mind we paid to have a short elephant ride, paid for the show and bought loads of bananas and sugar cane to feed them. We helped them earn their living. Interestingly, after 3pm each day, the elephants are free to roam the huge park where they eat, relax, chat etc. So there work is only really part-time... Anyway it was a good day out and we got close to loads of these beautiful creatures. Jo thinks that I'd make a good elephant and spent the rest of the day asking if I'd enjoyed being back with my own kind. Isn't she funny...